It's all too easy to get caught up in the pace of Oktoberfest Zinzinnati, confused by the clothing, overwhelmed by the smells. Here we present 10 things you shouldn't miss during this weekend's festival, based on the experiences of people who've been there.
(And you're not too cool for the chicken dance, no matter what you think. Trust us.)
The beer! Obviously. Oktoberfest serves up 42 different kinds of brew, from Hudy to Hoegaarden to Hofbrau. Seven styles actually contain the name Oktoberfest, if you're looking to do any theme drinking. Otherwise, there are wheats and lagers and pilsners and pale ales, a veritable rainbow of beers just waiting to turn you into a blubbering fool. More than 800 barrels of beer are consumed at each Oktoberfest - roughly the capacity of a small microbrewery. Worth noting: They ship in 161 portable toilets for this party.
The food! You might want to make a pass through the line of food booths to plan your menu, or you could end up regretting your choice. Look for fresh, warm strudel, pretzels as big as your head, mettwursts glistening on the bun - or just come with an empty belly and eat it all. According to the chamber, we eat the equivalent of more than eight miles of metts, 27 Eiffel Towers of soft pretzels and eight Boeing 747s of cream puffs each Oktoberfest. Also, 64,000 sauerkraut balls. Mmmm.
The chicken dance! Here's your chance to boogie with strangers and look like an idiot - with zero repercussions. The chicken dance, led by cartoon hero Homer Simpson, starts at 2:30 p.m. Sunday on Fountain Square and features dancing local "celebrities" who won their right to dance through an online vote. Toss back some liquid courage and go for it.
The tunes! You will not avoid the oompah - so don't even try. Bands roam throughout Oktoberfest and play on seven stages, meaning you don't have to go far to rock out with the tuba player. Dancing is much encouraged.
Norm! At press time, we didn't have the details on his visit, but George Wendt - Norm of "Cheers" fame - plans to appear at Oktoberfest to sign his book, "Drinking with George: A Barstool Professional's Guide to Beer." Check our events page for updated details on how you can drunkenly fawn over a celebrity.
The gear! Finally, a chance to break out the lederhosen. If you only don your German duds during intimate moments in the bedroom, now's your chance to let them see the light of day. No outfit is too ridiculous - remember, people wear chicken hats all day at this thing.
The people-watching! People wear chicken hats all day at this thing! Really, though, Oktoberfest brings in partiers from all over the region, so here's your chance to see what Cincinnati really looks like. (Hint: Sometimes it wears a mullet and rudely barges in line; other times it looks impossibly lovely in a dirndl.)
The language! Finally, an opportunity to show off your high-school-level German: danke, bitte, auf Wiedersehen, wo befindet sich die Toilette, bitte ?
The depressing end of summer and the imminent arrival of chilly breezes! OK, this one's a bummer, but it's true. Oktoberfest brings an end to the big festival season. Why not say auf Wiedersehen to summer with a cup of something cold?
The beer! Wait, did we mention this one already? Anyway, it bears repeating. Forty-two varieties. Drink 'em on downtown streets. Soak 'em up with a stack of potato pancakes. Marvel at how crazy and lovely this city can sometimes be.
